Listening - an essential skill for us all.

Since March 2020, Zoom and Team meetings have become a very familiar way of communicating with family, friends and colleagues, but what impact has this had on our ability to actively listen to what is being said?

I have always been a strong advocate of face-to-face conversations in-order to acquire a real feel for reactions to on-going discussions, preferring an in-person chat with a colleague rather than a phone call or email exchange. However, that was my view before a virus spread through the world and held us all captive in our own homes for far too many months! Very quickly we learned to have meaningful, and perhaps more focussed, discussions than ever before. Our colleague’s faces loomed large on our screens and demanded our undivided attention. I found it interesting that my on-line listening skills became more honed and that I was naturally focussing in on facial expressions and body language to a much greater degree than ever before.

Dame Mary Perkins, founder of Specsavers, wrote an interesting reflective article in the Times (June 3rd 2021) about her ability to build trust in her workforce by the simple art of listening. She argued that leaders who are accessible and genuinely listen, will always perform better than those who direct from ‘up high’. By giving someone our undivided attention, we are showing that we are valuing their thoughts and what they have to say. All too often individuals are waiting for their turn to talk instead of really listening to what is being said. Perhaps more importantly how often do people listen, and be curious about what is not being said? Omissions in conversations can tell the listener more about an issue than the spoken word.

Annalisa Barbieri’s article ‘How I learned to really listen to people’ in the Guardian (July 24th 2021) gives a wonderful insight to her family life where all too  frequently she would witness family members interrupt or road-block conversations sending the chat in a direction that was all about them. How often have you witnessed this behaviour? I believe the pressure and pace of daily life mean that not many people listen at a very deep level, however it is important that we recognise that by allowing our conversations to skim the surface our relationships are missing out so much. People are much more likely to open up and feel valued when they know they are being listened to. So important for us all to be present, be interested in what is being said and above all for us to be curious!

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